I’ve been quite divided about quantifying life satisfaction and intentionality, primarily because I do not want to and secondly because I do not think it is possible. These two are very subjective things and each person defines them in their own ways. I see them as journeys, a path that people walk to get from one place to another and I wish myself and intention to become the roads that people take on this journey. For that matter I wish to become the sign posts and the archways and the milestones and everything in this journey. I wish to see and lead people from where they are to where they want to get.
I agree I do not have all the solutions to the questions that might arise in this journey, honestly I don’t even think I have all the questions in this journey. But what I have is a semblance of a path that I will take myself while figuring out this land and everything it occupies. I have a dream of what I want intntion to become and I breath words to it here.
Right now I am a student studying Human Factors and working on Social Psychology. With two degrees in Computer Science, it is a really unusual choice of fields to end up in. But I believe my journey over the last two years led me to where I am. I had my epiphany when I was standing in the line at the SSN office, thinking about social anxiety. I was thinking about the conflict I was having internally about a few things and that’s when it occurred, conflicts occur between two people. I was fighting with someone else who lived inside me. There are many schools of thought that promote thinking about multiple selfs that live inside the body, and then I thought : ” Somebody inside me was unhappy with the way my outer self was behaving, that was the reason for all this conflict”. And then instantly I also saw the solution, if I just knew what my internal self wanted, i could avoid this conflict. But that is not very easy. The reason that I wish to align these two is because I believe the internal self to be the superior, it is closer to every aspect of being human and it knows the best. There is already someone inside, the best versions of what we can be, they know what we can achieve and where we can be. But due to numerous extraneous circumstances and due to often being told what to do, or what is right and wrong, that self has been left unaddressed and without manifesting. We we face conflicts I would like to believe that it is that self that is waking up and it is the conditioned and outer self trying to smother it, so it doesn’t disappoint its conditioners.
I also like to believe that people who are happy are those people who are completely in sync with their inner selves. That gives them an understanding of who they are what their scales are, they know how many emotions they can manifest and what is right and wrong. With that comes the greatest sense of acceptance. When you truly know your inner self, you no longer try to be someone you are not, you accept your being for what it is and achieve a joy and happiness that doesn’t come. When you do not who you are and what your capabilities are, you still keep running by the rules and standards set by other, you never know when to stop as there will always be novel rules and greater expectations. It never stops.
When there is no conflict between all that parts that make you up, you are complete and content. So, before this I was at a retreat in Indiana, a really wonderful place called the Hundredth Hill, I had some really lovely and wise people around me and we talked about a lot of things. Two conversations that still stick with me are about the status of distractions in the current world and the forcible need for conformity and lack of identity. That was where the other half of the idea came from. Basically these two combined.